Well...i havent posted in a while....been busy. and honestly im not sure if anyone actually reads these, so i dont see a logical point. it doesnt make me feel any better. but i suppose its amusing to some people and a time consumer for others. im just doing this for some ridiculous reason that i dont know. 

            watching Snatch, eating my chips, i sit in relative pain. my throat is on fire for some stupid reason. i better not be sick for the sake of myself. i hate sickness. its a burden that i truly dislike. all i want is to sit in peace, no pain, just the occasional pee trip or water refill. but that, im afraid, is asking way too much. theres always got to be something wrong. some....sickness or bruise, broken bone or sore throat. really nothing can stop the reaction. the chain-reaction that is the body's defense.
            
              i enjoy rambling, i suppose, as much as the next person. although i never really ramble about anything important... usually what i did or didnt do, felt or didnt feel. intriugiing things that happened that day or a boy that i want. lately theres been nothing to talk about, except the odd feeling or two. lately ive just been blank, going with the day, feeling only what i must. leaving all other emotion out, no happiness, no fear, no hate, no love. just blank. 
 
             Living is a truly tedious task. breathing is very irritating when you feel too tired to. yet it is what keeps us moving and is what we rely on to live. what a ludicrous thought. that these little actions keep a human being from collapsing. ridiculous actually. how much easier would it be if we, humans, did not have a beating heart? nothing to be broken when something goes wrong. no heart attacks because no circulation could be cut off. although, does a persons heart really break? i believe so. the mental pain turns to physical so quickly. anyone who has never had their heart broken would never know. fuxk you. dont tell me i dont hurt. ive hurt too much for a 16 year old. my heart is like a patchwork quilt. sewn into it is each lesson i have learned from the boys i have loved. with each patch, i come closer to a whole heart again.
 

                      enough rambling. goodnight.

Something inside her is moving
Moving toward the light
Her love is growing stronger
And there's no need to fight

'Cause she knows she's right
And nothing's gonna change
The way she feels
Tonight.

She's gotta find that feeling
That feeling that all of us seek
It sends our senses reeling
and makes our muscles weak
She's waiting, waiting...

Be-Cause-chorus

When she thinks she's found it
It's crushed beneath the weight
of defeat
But now she's trying harder
To get back on her feet

Chorus

She only wants
What she can't get
But she'll keep trying
Till there's nothing left at all....at all....